I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
