didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
