I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
