shes about as inviting as chlamydia
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
