guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
