her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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