They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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