so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Houston, we have a blender
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Randomize
