There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Semen is not good for contacts.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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