I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
