There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
