you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
