I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
