Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
