Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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