There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
