so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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