I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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