i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
