he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Randomize
