WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
