Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
