I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
