I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
