Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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