Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
You may now shotgun with the bride
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
