Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
