You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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