Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
