Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
