i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
