Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Randomize
