So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
