he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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