Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
