I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
