ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
