so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
