He had one of those small greek statue penises
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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