So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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