Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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