my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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