dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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