Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
