I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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