dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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