i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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