Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
