I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
