Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
